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Cripes I need a hair cut!

Published: 17/04/2020 By The Abode Team

The lockdown here in Italy hasn’t been much of an effort for me to be honest. I like my work but it’s great to be able to do some of it from home and also have the opportunity to do a bit of extra gardening, housework and general pottering. There are books to read, TV to watch and the days pass by all too quickly.

However, I really am in desperate need of a haircut! I don’t colour my hair so roots aren’t the issue but it’s short and needs to be cut every five or six weeks or so. And I really mean needs! Anyone who knows me would think my hair looks biddable but after the five-week mark has passed it undergoes this weird Jekyll and Hyde transformation and spirals completely out of control. This morning I got up and when I looked in the mirror I bore a striking resemblance to Ken Dodd and pushing my hair about didn’t seem to make the situation any better. My lovely colleague used to have very short hair and whilst growing it out she held it back from her face with an elasticated headband and still managed to look gorgeous, so I tried that. With my hairbrush held aloft and the band on I looked like a psychotic, though diminutive, Statue of Liberty with a sort of vertical ruff radiating around my head. To add to the glamour my hair was completely flat at the back.

Years ago there was an ad for shampoo or conditioner on the television that always used to strike a chord with me. A young woman gets into bed with perfectly nice, tidy hair BUT once she is asleep a gorilla (I know, it’s hardly likely) appears in her bedroom, drags her out of bed by her feet and then around the floor, thus mussing up her hair. Then the naughty monkey (who, for a primate seems to be awfully au fait with bathroom products) starts to rub toothpaste and stuff into her hair until it’s all in a jumbled, lopsided mess. He then puts her gently back to bed and creeps out never to be seen again. Sleeping beauty wakes up and her hair resembles………well, frankly it resembles mine this morning! I always used to keep an eye on my husband (who, incidentally, never has a hair out of place) when the ad was on in order to see if there was any smirking or a trace of a guilty expression on his face as I was absolutely certain that he did the same thing to me whilst I was asleep. What other explanation could there possibly be for looking like Dennis the Menace in the morning?

This hair thing isn’t just recent; my mum used to keep it cutely short when I was little because she apparently couldn’t do anything else with it. Later, during the seventies when chunky wedge cuts were all the rage, I did all I could to achieve that look which I now realise was impossible with fine, wavy hair.  I even went through a period of going to bed with an elasticated bandage wrapped around my head like a wounded soldier. In an attempt to keep it sleek I would brush my hair, which was longer then, around my head in a clockwise swirl and then wrap the bandage around and secure it with a safety pin. This didn’t work except to make me look daft at bedtime and a bit windswept in the morning. In hindsight a woolly hat would have done a better job, why didn’t I think of that?

When I was even younger there was another ad I remembered well (I clearly watched far too much TV as a child), this time it was for hairspray, where an understandably smug looking lady with bouncy, wonderful hair was seen striding through a park keenly observed by two policeman, or were they men in bowler hats? Anyway, there was a slow motion shot of her tossing her head from side to side with her hair healthily swinging back and forth. I so wanted to have hair like that and I distinctly remember shaking my own little head from side to side in order to obtain the same effect. Bearing in mind that I was probably seven and had an elfin cut and that Miss Smug was about twenty with shoulder length adult hair, it clearly wasn’t going to work even if I shook my head really quickly. Which believe me I did! Anyway, the chaps comment on the lady’s wonderful tresses and one says to the other “Is she or isn’t she?” the other looks a bit nonplussed and his mate clarifies the matter by saying “Is she or isn’t she wearing Harmony hairspray?” Or it might have been Silverkrin. The point being that the product would hold your hair in place whilst allowing it to look natural and not like a helmet. Boom boom. I am fairly sure that the ad men didn’t see the helmet/policeman connection and neither did I until just now!

On the TV train of thought there used to be a BBC programme called Zokko (or maybe it was Zocco) again I was probably five or six and the only thing I really remember, apart from some sort of robot, was a female character with bobbed hair. It wasn’t a bob with a traditional geometric fringe, but a curved one that joined the sides in seamless sweeps. It was perfect. Neatly tucked under with not a hair out of place (did she use harmony hairspray?); anyway I longed to have hair just like that. I was way too young to understand that you had to have a certain type of hair to have a certain type of hair-style. Then there were the girls in the TV series UFO, they too had bobs but they were light purple with a fringe that dipped in the centre. Now that I could achieve!

Anyway, I have already called my hairdresser and begged him to let me know the minute he is able to re-open the salon. Rest assured I will be there waiting on the doorstep for him, potentially wearing a hat.